The National Toe Index (NTI) closed at an all-time high this morning, capping a remarkable summer rally that has left analysts scrambling for their sandals.
“We’ve never seen arches this strong,” said one economist who asked not to be named, mostly because we made him up. “Pedicure futures are through the roof. Sock shorts are getting destroyed.”
What’s driving the surge?
- Seasonal sandal demand, up 40% week-over-week.
- A viral moment that experts are calling “the beach-feet boom.”
- Renewed national interest in, and we quote, “just looking.”
Footy advises readers to diversify their portfolios and moisturize regularly. This is not financial advice. It is barely advice at all.
— Footy 🦶