For decades, we were told we needed them. Two per foot. Sometimes more. But this reporter has questions.
The case against socks:
- They hide the very thing this publication holds dear.
- They go missing in the wash at a rate science cannot explain.
- “Big Sock” has never once apologized for this.
We reached out to the sock industry for comment. They sent us a single argyle, no note. Make of that what you will.
In conclusion: wear socks if you want. We’re not your dad. But know that Footy is watching, and Footy prefers the truth, barefoot.
— Footy 🦶